Day 14, Tender and the Clit

Sometimes music takes me places I didn't plan on going. Tonight Rihanna came singing out of the radio and I went from drinking my tea and just longing for bed to walking around the apartment singing along, my hips moving. loosening me into something softer, less exhausted. I was still sick but I started thinking in music notes, turning the lights off, moving slowly with the beat, getting dreamy and easy.

I love fucking to music. Sometimes I sing as my hands find my way into you, first one then the other, in time to the beat, singing along, your little moans a harmony and I am musical joy in motion.
I am open throated,  singing, open cunt dripping, lapping up the movement, the beat
of the music
syncopation
always moves me always gets me there.

 I took a hot shower, let the water make everything that aches feel a bit better, listening to the music and singing along. I put on a Kimono that was kind to my achy skin; sat down and listened to the music and moved in on my clit but with a less furious attention than normal. I found myself breathing all the way in, being fully present and talking to my clit in whispers
like two girls at a sleepover
and she bloomed under the attention
she liked the music
she liked my singing
she liked the way I crooned to her
that it was alright
that she was alright
that this was just for her- this touch
that she didn't have to
or not have to
do anything for anyone
I heard my own words in the dark sounding like
it's allowed
you are allowed
it's alright, it's alright
you can have this just for your own.

It was a long time
full of music and movement and
muscles slowly moving, tightening and releasing
just like my voice
harmonizing but we couldn't get there
she and I
even being best friends like this
telling each other secrets
in the dark.

We couldn't get there without being held down
on a bed or an old fashioned large desk
or the floor
we couldn't get there without someone else
standing over us
someone strong and mean
and punishing
We couldn't get there even with all of that unexpected
tender- I was as tender as I've ever been with any part of myself
inside or out

We had to have the hard push
the mean talk
the pushing and pulling
the forcing of old things into new shapes
that fit all around clit
till she is driven
faster and faster
and then I'm not singing
but she is
a tired song
but she comes- I come
we ride it down till the end
till there is nothing left
and I am sad
but not done fighting yet.

She liked that tender foreplay
she liked me calling her out
giving her a moment
to shine on her own
to be what she wants
to just be what she wants
just to be
she liked that.

We are not done yet.